David Foster Wallace on the Worship of Self

A friend recently sent me this article from the Wall Street Journal a couple of years ago. It's the transcript from a graduation speech given by David Foster Wallace to the 2005 graduating class of Kenyon College. I thought it was extremely interesting and insightful. He talks about the self-centeredness that we all struggle with, the temptation to worship a lot of unfulfilling things, and the freedom that comes from self-forgetfulness and truly caring about others. Though I disagree with a few of his statements, I think he mostly is very perceptive and points us to a lot of truth. Here are the best parts of the speech:

Everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe, the realest, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely talk about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness, because it's so socially repulsive, but it's pretty much the same for all of us, deep down. It is our default-setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth. Think about it: There is no experience you've had that you were not at the absolute center of. The world as you experience it is right there in front of you, or behind you, to the left or right of you, on your TV, or your monitor, or whatever. Other people's thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow, but your own are so immediate, urgent, real -- you get the idea. But please don't worry that I'm getting ready to preach to you about compassion or other-directedness or the so-called "virtues." This is not a matter of virtue -- it's a matter of my choosing to do the work of somehow altering or getting free of my natural, hard-wired default-setting, which is to be deeply and literally self-centered, and to see and interpret everything through this lens of self.....

...Thinking this way is my natural default-setting. It's the automatic, unconscious way that I experience the boring, frustrating, crowded parts of adult life when I'm operating on the automatic, unconscious belief that I am the center of the world and that my immediate needs and feelings are what should determine the world's priorities. The thing is that there are obviously different ways to think about these kinds of situations. In this traffic, all these vehicles stuck and idling in my way: It's not impossible that some of these people in SUV's have been in horrible auto accidents in the past and now find driving so traumatic that their therapist has all but ordered them to get a huge, heavy SUV so they can feel safe enough to drive; or that the Hummer that just cut me off is maybe being driven by a father whose little child is hurt or sick in the seat next to him, and he's trying to rush to the hospital, and he's in a way bigger, more legitimate hurry than I am -- it is actually I who am in his way. Or I can choose to force myself to consider the likelihood that everyone else in the supermarket's checkout line is just as bored and frustrated as I am, and that some of these people probably have much harder, more tedious or painful lives than I do, overall.

Again, please don't think that I'm giving you moral advice, or that I'm saying you're "supposed to" think this way, or that anyone expects you to just automatically do it, because it's hard, it takes will and mental effort, and if you're like me, some days you won't be able to do it, or you just flat-out won't want to. But most days, if you're aware enough to give yourself a choice, you can choose to look differently at this fat, dead-eyed, over-made-lady who just screamed at her little child in the checkout line -- maybe she's not usually like this; maybe she's been up three straight nights holding the hand of her husband who's dying of bone cancer, or maybe this very lady is the low-wage clerk at the Motor Vehicles Dept. who just yesterday helped your spouse resolve a nightmarish red-tape problem through some small act of bureaucratic kindness. Of course, none of this is likely, but it's also not impossible -- it just depends on what you want to consider. If you're automatically sure that you know what reality is and who and what is really important -- if you want to operate on your default-setting -- then you, like me, will not consider possibilities that aren't pointless and annoying. But if you've really learned how to think, how to pay attention, then you will know you have other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, loud, slow, consumer-hell-type situation as not only meaningful but sacred, on fire with the same force that lit the stars -- compassion, love, the sub-surface unity of all things. Not that that mystical stuff's necessarily true: The only thing that's capital-T True is that you get to decide how you're going to try to see it. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn't. You get to decide what to worship...

Because here's something else that's true. In the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And an outstanding reason for choosing some sort of God or spiritual-type thing to worship -- be it J.C. or Allah, be it Yahweh or the Wiccan mother-goddess or the Four Noble Truths or some infrangible set of ethical principles -- is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things -- if they are where you tap real meaning in life -- then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you. On one level, we all know this stuff already -- it's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, bromides, epigrams, parables: the skeleton of every great story. The trick is keeping the truth up-front in daily consciousness. Worship power -- you will feel weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to keep the fear at bay. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart -- you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. And so on...

...The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default-setting, the "rat race" -- the constant gnawing sense of having had and lost some infinite thing.

John Mark McMillan

I've been listening to John Mark McMillan for the last few weeks and have really been enjoying his new CD The Medicine. He's a worship leader that has a refreshingly different style. He's less polished and his lyrics are much richer than a lot of stuff out there right now. Some of my favorite songs off the album are Death in His Grave, Skeleton Bones, Carolina Tide, and My Only.

Check out this video for his song, Death in His Grave:

Death In His Grave (Performance Video) from john mark mcmillan on Vimeo.

Here are the lyrics to the chorus and bridge:

On Friday a thief
On Sunday a King
Laid down in grief
But awoke with keys
Of Hell on that day
The first born of the slain
The Man Jesus Christ
Laid death in his grave

He has cheated
Hell and seated
Us above the fall
In desperate places
He paid our wages
One time once and for all

(via)

You Can't Believe in Something You Don't

"I wish there was a God. I wish there was. It would be great. From what I've heard, he's brilliant. But, you can't believe in something you don't. Also, if there is a God, why did he make me an atheist?"

These are the words of the atheistic comedian Ricky Gervais coming from this video interview. I've been thinking about these words for the last several days since I saw the video, particularly about Gervais' explanation of not being able to believe in something you don't. I saw this on Abraham Piper's blog and he had some thoughts on this that got me thinking even more:

Here’s a thought experiment:

1. Pick something you believe (anything, no matter how insignificant…)
2. Now believe something different.
   

How’d that go for you?

We’re all myopic, in that we can only see what we see, believe what we believe. Sometimes what we see changes, and with it our beliefs, but what if what we see doesn’t change?

The more I keep this in mind, the harder it is to find fault with people who disagree with me…

I agree with AP's final thoughts. Over the last several weeks some experiences have humbled me and created in me some sense of understanding why some people don't have my worldview.

For instance, I talked with a good friend of mine Sunday night who considers himself a non-Christian. However, he used to consider himself a Christian and was a dear brother who was mightily encouraging in my walk with Christ in college. After having a discussion about what he believes to be true in life, I hung up the phone in sadness and frustration. I asked God, "Why do I believe and why doesn't he?"

It's not a matter of winsomely explaining the gospel or the apologetic arguments for belief. At the end of the day, the God who spoke light into darkness has to shine in a person's heart to give them the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ (1 Cor. 4:6). This truth is humbling, because I didn't do anything to deserve it. But it's also a hard truth to me right now, because I know people that don't believe and I know God is in control of that.

Another good friend reminded me last night the helpful truth that we're not going to fully grasp these realities. And when in heaven, we will see nothing of God's sovereign decree as being unfair or wrong. Instead, we will worship the God who graciously spared a few sinners undeserving of His love.

Cul-de-sac of Stupidity

This past Easter, Matt Chandler gave a sermon entitled From Alienation to Reconciliation. He was talking through Colossians 1:21-22. Near the beginning he talked about what alienation is and used the phrase "cul-de-sac of stupidity." Here's what he means:

"The Bible is going to teach us that everything that is created was not created so that our enjoyment of creation would terminate on creation, but rather that everything that exists, exists to point beyond itself to something greater than itself, namely its Creator.

The Bible teaches that you and I prefer creation to the Creator, therefore we get stuck in what I call the cul-de-sac of stupidity most of our lives, chasing things that do not satisfy us, have never satisfied us, and don't really have any hope of satisfying us, but we continue to pursue them anyway. So, although we've had gadgets, relationships, we've had all these things that the world says, "this is what satisfies you," we've had those things, we've tasted at least the first fruits of those things and they didn't satisfy us.

And Here's the lie. Here's the demonic, wicked, evil lie that most buy in to: that more of what we already possess that does not satisfy us is somehow going to bring us joy and happiness. Are you tracking with that? That's the cul-de-sac of stupidity. I have this. It doesn't work. More of what doesn't work might work. This is where a bulk of humanity is stuck--just driving around it over and over and over again...

...This is what alienation means. We are alienated from God. We just want His stuff. And we think that he's stuff will somehow fulfill us, when the Scriptures clearly say that His stuff was given to you so that you might worship Him."

How to Experience God

"Feed on the revealed promises of God rather than rely on an experience. Otherwise, life becomes one continual leap from one experiential lily pad to another."

To experience God. For those of us who are Christians, isn't that what we all want. Don't we want to feel God's presence and to know He is near. I believe this quote, coming from a very insightful post by Ed Welch, gets it right on. I know I often struggle in this area of knowing God's reality in my life. But it's because I'm looking to experience, or walking by sight, when God has given me all that I need in His Word.

Ed explains this concept a little more:

What we find in Scripture are the deeper ways of God with his people. “Sometimes God puts his children to bed in the dark” is one way to put it. Another way is this: in this era, our God has chosen to make walking by faith more fundamental, and more blessed, than walking by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7). This means that there will be many times when we can see the goodness of the Lord with our very eyes. But there will be other times when our experience says “God is far away” and he counters “I am with you.” In those cases, his words win.

Just expand the word “sight” in “walking by sight” to include all things sensory, such as our emotions. Then we are back on track: God is speaking right to us. He is not far away. This teaching gets to the heart of Scripture. Scripture exists because we need revelation. We can’t see reality clearly with the naked eye. Scripture is God’s technology that allows us to see everything we need to see.

You don’t feel his presence? Here are God’s words to you.

Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. (Deuteronomy 8:2-3)

There it is. Our senses say that we are destitute; God reveals that we have spiritual food that is profoundly satisfying. Our goal is to hear the word of the Lord in such a way that it drowns out our less-informed emotions.

And here's his conclusion:

How many times have I wanted Jesus’ audible voice and physical presence? I would even have settled for some handwriting in the sky or on the living room wall. But there is a better way… Believe. Believe in the one who has spoken promises and has backed up all those promises with his self-sacrificial actions.

So many followers of Jesus feel spiritually handicapped because they don’t feel the presence of God. They feel blind and numb. All they can do is trust in the God who has spoken to them and, because of him, put one foot in front of the other, care about others, and faithfully slog through the mire of life. Well, it’s time to track these people down and give them a big fat kiss because they are the ones who are knocking on the door of the abundant life. They are learning to believe what they don’t feel, and they are blessed. They are the heroes we can emulate.

American Idol Worship

Click here to watch Mark Driscoll's latest interview with Nightline, where Mark talks about the dangers of idolatry in our American culture. He says this about the interview:

I sat down for about 30 minutes with Terry, and we talked about how idolatry underlies all sin, how it is rooted on a false promise of happiness, how it ultimately destroys, how it is often the result of turning a good thing into an ultimate thing, and how it shows itself in our culture in how we idolize celebrities, athletes, food, family, sex, money, relationships, and achievement—or rather, what we call American culture.

We also took a drive in my Jeep and discussed some of the cultural idols littering my city. It was a bit precarious for the exceptional cameraman, who stood up in my Jeep while I drove as carefully as possible so as not to kill him. But things went well and we got some great footage of many modern-day temples: strip clubs, Seahawks stadium, Safeco Field, Starbucks headquarters, etc.

Most importantly the Nightline team gave me the chance to explain how Jesus is the only answer to all of our idolatry:

* Idols take. Jesus gives.
* Idols destroy life. Jesus gives new life.
* Idols break apart people and relationships. Jesus redeems and heals.

Christ to the Unreached

This is a powerful video about missions, particularly to unreached people. It's a great reminder of the work that God still wants to accomplish across the globe:

"...that your way may be known on earth, your saving power among all nations. Let the peoples praise you, O God; let all the peoples praise you!" - Psalm 67:2-3

(HT:Justin Taylor)

Twittering in Church

There's been a few reactions to Time Magazine's article entitled Twittering in Church, with the Pastor's OK. The article explains how some churches in the US are encouraging their members to twitter during the worship service. By doing this, some pastors agree that it creates a healthy level of community as well as stimulate thought around a specific message that is being preached.

Will Mancini, author and church vision extraordinaire, weighs in here about how he agrees with the usefulness of Twitter in church as well. I know Will through my roommate Roy and between the two of them, they helped me see the usefulness of Twitter in general.

On the other side of response to this article, Josh Harris wrote a blog post of his own that includes six reasons why he would not encourage his people to twitter during the services. Here are those reasons, briefly stated:

1. Playing with my iPhone (or cell phone or Blackberry) during the sermon will likely distract me.

2. Even if I didn't look at anything else, the mere act of "tweeting" some quote or question or thought from the sermon would be several minutes in which I wasn't actively listening to the sermon.

3. The most important thing I can do while I'm sitting under the preaching of God's word is to listen to what God is saying to me. I need to actively engage my heart and mind to receive. Twitter, takes the focus off of hearing and receiving and and makes it broadcasting and sharing.

4. I think we all need to ask what our example says to other people we're worshiping alongside. Can a person look at me during the worship and see from the way I sit, listen and engage that the Bible is worthy of honor, that preaching is valuable?

5. Just because something is incredibly popular in culture doesn't mean we have to accommodate it in our worship...When the church gathers and the Word of God is opened, God himself is speaking again. Everybody else can shut up. Lost people in this world don't need to see that we're current with the latest trend, they need to hear God's unchanging truth. They need to understand that God's word makes a demand on their life.

6. You can tweet about the Sunday service after church.

John Piper also adds to the discussion here. His basic thoughts are:

"...when you are in corporate worship, Worship! There is a difference between communion with God and commenting on communion with God. "

Taking all these thoughts into consideration, I probably will be less likely to use Twitter during a worship service. I can easily see how it can be a distraction for myself as well as for others as I type on my phone during someone preaching God's Word. What do you think about all this?

God is all about Himself

In explaining why God is not a megalomaniac in demanding to be worshipped to audience in Rhode Island last month, John Piper provides this quiz to help people understand how self-exalting God really is:

Q 1: What is the chief end of God?
A: The chief end of God is to glorify God and enjoy displaying and magnifying his glory forever.

Q 2: Who is the most God-centered person in the universe?
A: God.

Q 3: Who is uppermost in God’s affections?
A: God.

Q 4: Is God an idolater?
A: No. He has no other gods before him.

Q 5: What is God’s chief jealousy?
A: God’s chief jealousy is to be known, admired, trusted, enjoyed, and obeyed above all others.

Q 6: Do you feel most loved by God because he makes much of you, or because he frees you to enjoy making much of him forever?

Rigorous Study of the Bible Should Lead to Worship

I love this story about Piper as he explains why he quit teaching. He desired to have the diligent study of the Word to be in conjunction with singing and worship. It shows what God wants for us as we study His Word in depth.

"One of the highest points in my short, six-year teaching career in the Biblical Studies department at Bethel College was in the spring of 1977. I had spent the entire semester on Romans 9-11 leading about dozen advanced Greek students through the rigorous exegesis of these three chapters. It was the final class of the year and I was drawing the final 'arcs' on the board to sum up all the relationships between all the units. I drew one last arc over all three chapters, from one side of the board to the other, and underlined Romans 11:36 as the ultimate point of the entire section:
'From him, though him, and to him are all things. To him be glory forever.' Before I could turn around, these twelve students—some of the brightest I ever had—began to sing the doxology.

I didn’t ask them to. I didn’t plan it. It just came out. And that’s the way it was for Paul when he wrote this. He comes to the end of these three chapters on the ultimate purposes of God to show the riches of his glory on the vessels of mercy, and he breaks into doxology as he closes. All theology, rightly grasped, leads the mind and the heart to doxology. The story of God is about the glory of God. All revelation of the ways of God leads to exultation over the wonders of God."

It comes from this sermon.

The Beauty

I was just sitting outside at a local Starbucks, catching up on some reading, when a car drove by. Out came the shout, “You’re all a bunch of slaves.” Now, I’m guessing he thought everyone that hangs out at Starbucks is addicted not just to their coffee, but the atmosphere that it creates. His assumption is, that we worship this environment, therefore we are slaves to it. And I’m sure he thought he was not a slave to anything. He is above that.

I really wish he could have stopped, because I would have loved to have a conversation with him. I would ask him ,“Do you really think you’re not a slave to anything?” The truth is, he’s on to something. What we worship, what consumes us, does enslave us. But, the problem is, he probably thinks he is not controlled by anything that way. But that is lie. And I can say that with full confidence though I have no idea who he is.

Whether it’s hipster non-conformity, punk rock defiance, or any other independent feeling, that in itself can be, and will be worshipped. We’re all worshipping something: wealth, fame, recognition, intellect, sports, jobs, family, relationships, moral purity, etc. The key is to acknowledge whatever “that” is and ask the question, “Is it worthy of all my affection?”

Ironically, at the moment of the outburst, I was reading a paragraph by Plotinus about beauty. He says that there is the “good” that every soul desires. And he says that it is beautiful. Though, I don’t think he was trying to talk about God, he ends up describing what happens when you encounter Him, the greatest beauty that’s ever existed. Check it out:

“...one sees with one’s self alone That alone, simple, single and pure, from which all depends and to which all look and are and live and think for it is the cause of life and mind and being. If anyone sees it, what passion will he feel, what longing in his desire to be united with it, what a shock of delight! The man who has not seen it may desire it as good, but he who has seen it glories in its beauty and is full of wonder and delight, enduring a shock which causes no hurt, loving with true passion and piercing longing; he laughs at all other loves and despises what he thought beautiful before...If then one sees That which provides for all and remains by itself and gives to all but receives nothing into itself, if he abides in the contemplation of this kind of beauty and rejoices in being made like it, how can he need any other beauty?”

"For all the gods of the peoples are worthless idols, but the LORD made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and beauty are in his sanctuary." (Psalm 96:5-6) "For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen." (Romans 11:34)

Radiohead

Roy and I went to see Radiohead last night. In short, it was an incredible show. But, there's a great story from the night that should be told. (This will a little longer than most of my posts...if you're into the quick version, check Roy's blog)

About a week ago, I bought two tickets via a third party internet site, for Roy and I to go to the show. Radiohead is one of Roy's favorite bands, and it worked out to be a birthday present for him. So, I get the tickets in the mail Monday. There are four sheets of paper in the envelope I received, and two of the sheets are the tickets (this will become important very soon).

Fast forward to last night. I grab two sheets of paper from my cluttered dresser right before we're heading out. The top copy is definitely a ticket and I see that I'm holding two sheets of paper, so the other must be the ticket (nope). I'm not really sure why I didn't take the extra half second effort to indeed confirm it was the ticket...I just didn't.

Roy asks me in the car, "Do you have the tickets?" And of course I reply confidently that I do. After getting down there, parking, and getting about 50 feet from the gate, I pull out my two sheets of paper...and my heart sank. The second sheet of paper was merely a receipt of some kind that does us NO good. I begin thinking I have absolutely ruined our night, just becuase I wasn't a little more careful. It was not a fun feeling. After standing there for about five minutes completely bewildered that I could have been so careless as to not double check myself, we moved toward the box office to see what our options were.

After confirming with a lady at the ticket window that she couldn't track my order that I had actually purchased two tickets, Roy and I stood there and contemplated our options. It looked like Iron Man was going to be our evening activity. And I remember praying and asking God to help me not freak out and just trust His sovereignty in this situation. And sure enough, one of the next voices I hear is from the ticket window: "...ever since this morning I haven't really wanted to go...could you just mark that I picked it up and just give it away to someone..." Roy and I looked at each other, and five minutes later we had the ticket! Thank you ticket lady, wherever you are.

My ticket was maybe 40-50 rows back on the very right side. It turns out that Roy's new ticket is dead center, maybe 15 rows back! And because there were a bunch of empty seats around him, five songs into the show, we were both rockin' out not 30 yards from Thom Yorke himself. The lights were great, the music was fun, and Thom was very querky. Even the people around us were really nice. One nice young gentlemen offered us some weed : )...to which we politely declined.

The phrase of the evening was "Happy Providence." If I had never have left the extra ticket on my dresser, we would have had mediocre seats and would have been without a cool story. Instead, we got to see God at work in the most random of ways, and allow us to have incredible seats to an incredible show. I don't think it was accident at all that I prayed yesterday that I would be able to worship God in the midst of a Radiohead show. He is in control of every dice that's rolled and every single atom floating around and every situation going on in our lives. And He showed me that last night. He didn't have to. He still would have been sovereign. But He chose to, and I was able to worship Him for His sovereignty. I thank Him for this bit of happy providence.

Anyway, here are some pics:

Worship

I listened to a sermon two days ago on 1 Peter 1:3-5. In hearing that God caused me to be born again and that He will keep me a Christian made me truly in awe of God's grace. The story was told when Jesus tells Peter that Satan demanded to have him in order that he might sift Peter like wheat (hoping to destroy his faith). But Jesus tells Peter that He has prayed for him, so that his faith would not fail. And He tells Peter WHEN he has turned again to strengthen his brethren.

As I was driving and listening to all of this, it hit me. I am in the same position as Peter. On my own strength I will deny my Lord over and over again. But because Jesus is my great Intercessor, I will stay a Christian. Also, I began praising God for even having mercy upon me in the first place to make me believe. If He had not in His sovereign, electing mercy changed me will, I would surely have continued on the road to destruction. Oh how these truths produced a humbling joy in me that day (and continually), and a longing for others to know this gracious God.